As Suicide Prevention Awareness Month comes to an end, I decided to take some time to reflect.
For those of you who know me, you know that his time of the year is especially hard for me. This year will be five years (pause for shock) since my father took his own life. Five years. Sometimes it seems like an eternity ago and sometimes it seems like just yesterday.
I don't think that it is ever okay to end your own life. Your life has a purpose. Unfortunately, sometimes your view is clouded and you are unable to see your purpose or you think you don't have one. Sometimes you think that you aren't loved. Sometimes you think that you are a burden on others' lives. Sometimes you think that you don't belong here and that you don't fit in. Or you think that you have screwed up so bad that there's no way you can fix things. Maybe you think that there's only one way out.
This is not the truth.
-You are loved. Even if you have no earthly family left, you have a heavenly Father that loves you more than I can begin to express to you. You have brothers and sisters in Christ that would extend a love to you that you can't imagine. Walk into a church. Ask for help. (Ask for help anywhere, not just a church. There are hotlines, websites, anonymous websites, etc.. A church is just a wonderful place to meet people who will extend a welcome hand.)
-You are not a burden on anyone. You are a blessing. My father thought that he was a burden on everyone because he was disabled. He had no idea how much of a blessing he was. He had no idea how many lives he touched each and every day. You have an impact on the people you meet.
-You do belong here. You do fit in. You have a purpose on this earth. None of us know what our purpose is and none of us know quite where we belong or what we are supposed to do just yet. We are all struggling to fit in. You are not alone.
Speaking as someone who was left behind, the daughter of someone who put a bullet in their own head because they thought they weren't worthy of being on this earth, when you take your life, you leave behind people who love you. They are left to grieve and mourn and to cry. And every year, when that day rolls back around, they remember what you did. They remember how you felt about yourself when you did it.
The hardest part about knowing that he took his own life is knowing that he was unhappy when he left. He didn't die peacefully in his sleep. He died scared, alone, sad. Feeling like he didn't belong.
The idea of anyone ever having to go through this breaks my heart. But this is where it becomes a good thing. This is where I can get involved. This is where I can jump in and use my experience to help others. No one should ever have to feel what my father felt. No one should have to go through what I went through. We can prevent these kinds of things from happening.
CUE THE MUSIC. **Suicide Prevention Awareness Month** END THE MUSIC
There are wonderful websites with information about how to notice warning signs of depression and suicide, how to prevent it, who to call, etc. If you ever notice anything, take action. There were red flags with my father and I didn't notice them. Granted, I was young and he had a lot of other issues going on in his life that could have contributed, but I didn't pay close enough attention. I don't blame myself, and you never should either, but when we work together, we can save lives and mend hearts.
Suicide hotline:
http://suicidehotlines.com/texas.html
Suicide information
http://www.save.org
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/
Danger signs of suicide:
http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=705f4071-99a7-f3f5-e2a64a5a8beaadd8
