"Life sucks, and then you die." -John "Chip" Miller, he has a point.
I have finally had time to relax and let life soak in. I've come to a few realizations. God reminded me about a few things that had apparently slipped my mind.
Looking at the stars is, to me, one of the best things in the world. I don't have to think about anything, I don't have to care about anyone. All of my thoughts, my worries, my troubles float to the stars. As I sat in the back of the truck the other night, I looked up and just watched. I felt so many emotions running through my body. They were all floating away.
I whispered "I miss you, Dad." At that moment, a shooting star flew across the sky. Tears began to flow down my face. It was a sad happy scary exciting moment. At that point, I wanted nothing more than to grab my dad and give him the biggest hug you could imagine. When reality sunk in, it began to hurt. But it reminded me that he is still there. He knows how to make my troubles disappear. And even though I can't physically come home and cry to him about everything and let him put my mind at ease, he manages to touch my heart.
Then I just laid there and let my mind wander.
I have made many mistakes in my life.
One mistake I seem to make a lot lately is putting my happiness in others' hands. I know that when I do that, I always end up heartbroken. They've let me down. I've been lied to, cheated on, disrespected, treated as second best or least important, and flat out traumatized emotionally. (For any future relationships that I may be lucky enough to endure, the poor guy will have to understand my damaged female brain.)
Either they decide I don't deserve to be treated well or they think they can trample all over me or they wait until I confide in them and then they rip my heart open.
I'm tired of letting others decide my happiness. You make your own happiness.
For those of you that have disrespected and looked down on me, I don't need you or your approval.
For those of you who thought you could walk out of my life and then try to squeeze your way back in, goodbye.
For those of you took my happiness and destroyed it, I hope you feel better about yourself.
**My joy no longer rests in you. My joy is found elsewhere.
I recently developed a great relationship with a new friend. He is wonderful. He reminds me to be optimistic. He doesn't let me get down on myself. I always tell him what's bothering me (and the poor guy listens) and tells me to be positive. He reminded my that joy does not come from others. You should really cherish every day and live it to its fullest. Life is too short to wish for something different. Live for the day, embrace life. Thank you, Brandon.
I hadn't seen my dad's family since before he died. I saw them for the first time in about 5 years on Thursday. Walking into their house, I felt a huge wave of emotions. I was so happy to be back. Growing up, I could not WAIT to get to John and Juanelle's house. It was the coolest place to go: they had video games, a big TV, an upstairs just for me and my brother full of awesome toys, food everywhere, and great company. I felt like I was back where I belonged. But I hadn't been there since before my dad died. It felt incomplete. I felt like if I walked out to the living room, he'd be sitting there watching football with Uncle John holding his spit cup in his hand and drinking from his huge water mug. But I never saw him, my heart never felt that relief. Being around the family again was just what I needed to remind me that life is so fragile. Family is important.
I keep saying there are so many things that I need to change. Then I sit back and wait until things start to change. But, they never do. I can't just sit around and wait for it to happen. I have to be the change. I have to make the changes. I have to put in effort to get out reward. I have a lot to work for and there's no better time to start than now.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Blame it on the brain.
The brain is a funny thing. It does what it wants to do. You don't control it, it controls you.
The male brain and the female brain are vastly different. No woman can ever fully understand how a man's brain works. No man can ever fully understand how a woman's brain works. It's kind of like fact that no one will ever know which pain is worse: having a baby or getting kicked in the nuts. We all have our theories, but there's no way to experience both pains.
Now let's take a look at some differences between the brains...
Design:
Women like to design rooms in their home, fashion, knick knacks around the house, whatever. There's a creative gene. They see colors, patterns, shapes; they understand how all of the elements combine to create beauty. They like things to be done a certain way. They have a style and that's the way it will look. Period.
Men don't care.
"Honey, do you think this picture would look good right here? And what color should I paint this wall?"
"If you like it, I love it."
There's not much else to say here...
Sports:
Women might watch them to make their man happy or to seem sporty and cool. In reality, most women find most sports boring in large quantities. Some enjoy playing, some enjoy watching, but most are okay with missing the football game to watch Desperate Housewives. Women will talk throughout the whole game. They will comment on the colors of the uniforms, they will ask you about your day, they will ask questions every few minutes. They can't help it.
Men can't get enough of it. Don't ask them questions during the game. It puts them in a unfair position because they are physically incapable of listening to you and the game at the same time. Their brain automatically chooses to listen to the game. They can't help it. Don't expect them to remember what you talk about during the game either. Men will also yell at the TV because they think the ref or ump or whoever is making the calls will hear them and agree. Or that the players will understand how bad they're playing. Men control the game by yelling through the television...
Food:
Women think they need to watch what they eat. Food is evil to them. They have to think about what they eat, how much they eat, when they eat, what's in what they eat...it's hard work. Most of the time, when a woman offers to cook for a man, it means something. It's said that food is the way to a man's heart. There's a part of every woman's brain that knows this and thinks "I'm going to cook for him."
Men can't get enough of it. They like to eat it and smell it and watch women cook it. Men don't think about the calories. They don't care what is in it, how many carbs there are, what time it is, how much they eat. If it's there, they'll eat it. When a woman cooks for them, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. It usually means they got fed and they're happy.
Clothes:
Women want them to be clean and neat and smell good. When they've worn something once, they have to wash it before they can wear it again. They can NOT wear the same outfit too close together in time. People might notice. (most people don't notice, but the female brain says that everyone is staring at them because they wore this outfit two weeks ago...) Clothes must match and the colors can NOT clash. They have an eye for fashion. And it's a good thing because they're able to help the men out.
Men spray Fabreeze on their clothes and throw them back in the closet (not on a hanger, of course). In a man's mind, Fabreeze = clean. They will wear the same thing over and over again, simply because they don't give a crap. In a man's mind, brown goes with black and stripes go with plaid and up goes with down. They have no clue. That's why they have women.. :)
Driving:
Women are good. Plain and simple.
Men are not. Plain and simple.
That one was just to see if you were still paying attention.
Relationships:
Women want to feel special. They are romantic and want someone who caters to that. When you forget to text them, they think you forgot about them or you don't care about them. Most of them truly sit by the phone waiting to hear from you. A good morning text to a woman means that she was the first thing you thought of when you woke up. That can lift a woman's spirit so high. Women like to have the doors opened for them. Chivalry is not dead, but apparently most men who believe in it are. Women are complicated and hard to deal with in a relationship. But men aren't any better.
Men truly forget to call you back. They don't hate you, they don't "not want to talk to you". They just forgot. Men think they're being romantic when they do some things for you like take you to dinner. They don't understand the kind of "romance" that women desire. Sometimes, women need to understand that some of the things men do are romantic in their minds. I would comment a lot more on how a man's mind works in a relationship, but I clearly haven't figured that one out since I'm single and sitting on my couch alone in my sweatpants.
Men and women are so different. God made them that way for a reason. It's funny to watch some couples. My sister and her husband have taught me a lot. Some of it, they don't even realize. I watch them communicate. It's actually pretty humorous to an outsider. But as an outsider, I see what's going through both of their minds.
I also grew up in a house of boys. My mom and I were the estrogen. My dad, my brother, and all of his friends who lived at our house at some point in time were the testosterone. That hormone ruled the household. I learned a lot from that, though. I learned that mind games are pointless. If you want a man to know something, you need to tell him, directly. Don't skirt around the issue, don't hint at it and expect them to figure it out. TELL THEM. I've learned that if you want a man's honest opinion, you have to ask for the honest opinion. But, you also have to be prepared for it. I've learned that a man can't love you or respect you if you have no love or respect for yourself. That one was from my Daddy. That crazy old man taught me a lot.
Men and women just make life hard. It's everyone's fault. But, if we want to place the blame somewhere, it would have to be on the brain. All decisions, all understanding of life, all actions, all thoughts are because of the brain. Blame it on the brain.
The male brain and the female brain are vastly different. No woman can ever fully understand how a man's brain works. No man can ever fully understand how a woman's brain works. It's kind of like fact that no one will ever know which pain is worse: having a baby or getting kicked in the nuts. We all have our theories, but there's no way to experience both pains.
Now let's take a look at some differences between the brains...
Design:
Women like to design rooms in their home, fashion, knick knacks around the house, whatever. There's a creative gene. They see colors, patterns, shapes; they understand how all of the elements combine to create beauty. They like things to be done a certain way. They have a style and that's the way it will look. Period.
Men don't care.
"Honey, do you think this picture would look good right here? And what color should I paint this wall?"
"If you like it, I love it."
There's not much else to say here...
Sports:
Women might watch them to make their man happy or to seem sporty and cool. In reality, most women find most sports boring in large quantities. Some enjoy playing, some enjoy watching, but most are okay with missing the football game to watch Desperate Housewives. Women will talk throughout the whole game. They will comment on the colors of the uniforms, they will ask you about your day, they will ask questions every few minutes. They can't help it.
Men can't get enough of it. Don't ask them questions during the game. It puts them in a unfair position because they are physically incapable of listening to you and the game at the same time. Their brain automatically chooses to listen to the game. They can't help it. Don't expect them to remember what you talk about during the game either. Men will also yell at the TV because they think the ref or ump or whoever is making the calls will hear them and agree. Or that the players will understand how bad they're playing. Men control the game by yelling through the television...
Food:
Women think they need to watch what they eat. Food is evil to them. They have to think about what they eat, how much they eat, when they eat, what's in what they eat...it's hard work. Most of the time, when a woman offers to cook for a man, it means something. It's said that food is the way to a man's heart. There's a part of every woman's brain that knows this and thinks "I'm going to cook for him."
Men can't get enough of it. They like to eat it and smell it and watch women cook it. Men don't think about the calories. They don't care what is in it, how many carbs there are, what time it is, how much they eat. If it's there, they'll eat it. When a woman cooks for them, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. It usually means they got fed and they're happy.
Clothes:
Women want them to be clean and neat and smell good. When they've worn something once, they have to wash it before they can wear it again. They can NOT wear the same outfit too close together in time. People might notice. (most people don't notice, but the female brain says that everyone is staring at them because they wore this outfit two weeks ago...) Clothes must match and the colors can NOT clash. They have an eye for fashion. And it's a good thing because they're able to help the men out.
Men spray Fabreeze on their clothes and throw them back in the closet (not on a hanger, of course). In a man's mind, Fabreeze = clean. They will wear the same thing over and over again, simply because they don't give a crap. In a man's mind, brown goes with black and stripes go with plaid and up goes with down. They have no clue. That's why they have women.. :)
Driving:
Women are good. Plain and simple.
Men are not. Plain and simple.
That one was just to see if you were still paying attention.
Relationships:
Women want to feel special. They are romantic and want someone who caters to that. When you forget to text them, they think you forgot about them or you don't care about them. Most of them truly sit by the phone waiting to hear from you. A good morning text to a woman means that she was the first thing you thought of when you woke up. That can lift a woman's spirit so high. Women like to have the doors opened for them. Chivalry is not dead, but apparently most men who believe in it are. Women are complicated and hard to deal with in a relationship. But men aren't any better.
Men truly forget to call you back. They don't hate you, they don't "not want to talk to you". They just forgot. Men think they're being romantic when they do some things for you like take you to dinner. They don't understand the kind of "romance" that women desire. Sometimes, women need to understand that some of the things men do are romantic in their minds. I would comment a lot more on how a man's mind works in a relationship, but I clearly haven't figured that one out since I'm single and sitting on my couch alone in my sweatpants.
Men and women are so different. God made them that way for a reason. It's funny to watch some couples. My sister and her husband have taught me a lot. Some of it, they don't even realize. I watch them communicate. It's actually pretty humorous to an outsider. But as an outsider, I see what's going through both of their minds.
I also grew up in a house of boys. My mom and I were the estrogen. My dad, my brother, and all of his friends who lived at our house at some point in time were the testosterone. That hormone ruled the household. I learned a lot from that, though. I learned that mind games are pointless. If you want a man to know something, you need to tell him, directly. Don't skirt around the issue, don't hint at it and expect them to figure it out. TELL THEM. I've learned that if you want a man's honest opinion, you have to ask for the honest opinion. But, you also have to be prepared for it. I've learned that a man can't love you or respect you if you have no love or respect for yourself. That one was from my Daddy. That crazy old man taught me a lot.
Men and women just make life hard. It's everyone's fault. But, if we want to place the blame somewhere, it would have to be on the brain. All decisions, all understanding of life, all actions, all thoughts are because of the brain. Blame it on the brain.
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