A year ago at this time, I was in the worst shape of my life - mentally speaking. Although, if I'm honest, I was also in the worst shape physically and emotionally. I was unsure about my future. I didn't see my value as a person or as a professional. I struggled to get out of bed every day because it felt like there wasn't a good reason to do so. Food was a constant in my life because it was something I could control.
At the time, I didn't have control over much of anything. I didn't have much control over where I lived because I didn't have an income. I didn't have control over what I drove because (again, no income) my car had crapped out on me and I had to borrow from a friend.
(Sidenote: an amazing friend who let me "have" her car until I could get one of my own - no strings attached. Who can say they have a friend like that?!)I had no idea where I would work when the fall finally came, but I knew I had to have a job or the slope I was sliding down would become steeper. I was strained financially by daily/monthly costs, medical bills, and student loans that wouldn't go away.
None of my clothes fit, so I wore sweatpants - Regina George style - almost every day. I chose to spend my days floating in the pool because tan fat looks better than pale fat. Am I right, ladies?! I had no desire to go out with friends or to be in a social environment. I really struggled to get through each and every day. I started running, which only made things worse because I developed shin splints and saw no change in my body. I was discouraged.
I remember having an emotional breakdown in my bedroom. I was living in someone else's home so the only space that was private to me was the bedroom. It was the only place I could go to be alone, and alone was the only place I wanted to be. One day, I got another bill and it just broke me. I knew I couldn't pay it, I knew I literally did not have a way to pay it. I didn't know if I would be able to anytime soon. I didn't know what the future held for me. I was so broken and felt so alone; I just laid on the floor and listened to "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North. This is the song I listen to when I just need to break.
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushedBy the weight of this worldAnd I know that you can give me restSo I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption winLet me know the struggle endsThat you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can riseFrom the ashes of a broken lifeAnd all that's dead inside can be rebornCause I'm worn
Once the summer came, I went on interview after interview. I was denied time after time. I was made to feel worthless over and over. I knew it wasn't their intention, but it was the result. I prayed, and I felt nothing. (Looking back, I know it's because I wasn't listening and I wasn't trusting.)
Two months into this interviewing process, I headed down to Austin for an interview. This position seemed promising and I was so excited. Long story short, the position was not what I had expected and the interview did not go well. I came home and was so incredibly defeated once again. I got online to begin applying for MORE jobs.
Suddenly I came across an opening in the district that I ultimately wanted to work in. It had just been posted one hour earlier. I stared in disbelief for a moment. Then I clicked through and filled out my application. It was a Friday night so I expected to receive no result for quite some time. The following Monday I received a phone call. It was my former assistant principal that wanted to do a quick screening over the phone so I could be put into the interview pool. We scheduled it for Tuesday morning.
9 a.m. Tuesday morning, I went through the screening process and began to feel a little bit of hope. I hung up the phone and just took a deep breath. This time, I thanked The Lord for the opportunity. One hour later, my phone rang and an assistant principal from the high school wanted me to come in for an interview that afternoon. I stumbled through my nonchalant "yes" as the excitement bubbled up inside of me.
I received the job offer two days after my interview. They couldn't officially offer it because the job hadn't been posted for 10 days, but the job was mine. I was blown away. I had so much emotion coursing through my body, I couldn't react. I finally let out a scream.
So here I am, one year later.
This past year has been one of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. I have learned so much about myself and I have learned just how much room I have to grow. I have had extreme highs and extreme lows. I am wearing clothes that have been tucked in the back of my closet for years because they didn't fit. I am living a healthy life, developing a knack for cooking, and rekindling my love for exercise. I am living in my own apartment with my pup, soaking in what I have worked for. I have a car that I can depend on because I worked my tail off to earn it. I am working a job that I love and enjoying going to [almost] every day. (hey, some days the bed seems so much more appealing…)
I am now in the place that I had pictured for myself a year ago. I have done things that I always wished I could do. I have gone places I had dreamed of going. I have accomplished things that I thought weren't possible. I have opened myself up and learned to trust in The Lord. I have learned that the path I create is not always the path I will walk down.
It is amazing what can happen in one year. It's so hard to remember the darkness that I found myself in just last year. But to see myself in the bright light that I now live in gives me hope for my future. I know that I can overcome anything. I know that if you dream it, you can do it. And to wrap up with another cliche, nothing is impossible.
Two months into this interviewing process, I headed down to Austin for an interview. This position seemed promising and I was so excited. Long story short, the position was not what I had expected and the interview did not go well. I came home and was so incredibly defeated once again. I got online to begin applying for MORE jobs.
Suddenly I came across an opening in the district that I ultimately wanted to work in. It had just been posted one hour earlier. I stared in disbelief for a moment. Then I clicked through and filled out my application. It was a Friday night so I expected to receive no result for quite some time. The following Monday I received a phone call. It was my former assistant principal that wanted to do a quick screening over the phone so I could be put into the interview pool. We scheduled it for Tuesday morning.
9 a.m. Tuesday morning, I went through the screening process and began to feel a little bit of hope. I hung up the phone and just took a deep breath. This time, I thanked The Lord for the opportunity. One hour later, my phone rang and an assistant principal from the high school wanted me to come in for an interview that afternoon. I stumbled through my nonchalant "yes" as the excitement bubbled up inside of me.
I received the job offer two days after my interview. They couldn't officially offer it because the job hadn't been posted for 10 days, but the job was mine. I was blown away. I had so much emotion coursing through my body, I couldn't react. I finally let out a scream.
So here I am, one year later.
This past year has been one of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. I have learned so much about myself and I have learned just how much room I have to grow. I have had extreme highs and extreme lows. I am wearing clothes that have been tucked in the back of my closet for years because they didn't fit. I am living a healthy life, developing a knack for cooking, and rekindling my love for exercise. I am living in my own apartment with my pup, soaking in what I have worked for. I have a car that I can depend on because I worked my tail off to earn it. I am working a job that I love and enjoying going to [almost] every day. (hey, some days the bed seems so much more appealing…)
I am now in the place that I had pictured for myself a year ago. I have done things that I always wished I could do. I have gone places I had dreamed of going. I have accomplished things that I thought weren't possible. I have opened myself up and learned to trust in The Lord. I have learned that the path I create is not always the path I will walk down.
It is amazing what can happen in one year. It's so hard to remember the darkness that I found myself in just last year. But to see myself in the bright light that I now live in gives me hope for my future. I know that I can overcome anything. I know that if you dream it, you can do it. And to wrap up with another cliche, nothing is impossible.
