As the Gears Turn: Not goodbye; just see you later.

I have been surround by and lifted up by so much support this last week. My heart is overflowing. That's probably why this watery stuff has been coming out of my eyes all day. There's just nowhere left for it to go.

It's strange to say that it feels good that everyone is so sad to see me go, but it does! I had never felt wanted and accepted the way that my Rockbrook Bears made me feel. To walk in every morning to a "good morning" and a smile, to be greeted by littles and bigs alike with giant hugs and "I missed you"s, there is nothing quite like it. Walking through that building today was so surreal.

The idea of not coming back to wander those halls is heartbreaking. Not having to walk from my far corner of the building to the lounge 100 times a day makes me sad. Not getting to go down the hall to Mary and Becky's room or to stop by Staci's for some coffee and BioFreeze makes me sad. Not being able to walk in to Diane's smile every morning makes me not want to leave. I will miss SO many things about this family and this home.

I know it's a new chapter, but in all honestly, it feels more like a new book. I don't want to put this book down. It has made me feel emotions I never thought I could feel. It has made me think in ways that I have never thought before. It has caused me to solve problems that I never wanted to face. This book has been the best one I've read so far. I won't put it down for long. I'll set it safely on my shelf so that I can turn to it when I need a good reminder of what a family, a cohesive staff, a friend, a good teacher, or a partner in crime looks like. I'll turn to it when I need to remember why I have chosen this life. I will turn to it when I need to see the differences I have already made in some students' lives so that I can be pushed to make it happen again and again.

I have been blessed with great jobs and wonderful friendships over the years. Some of my best friends are people I met through a job. So here I am, once again, facing reality. I have to leave. Things have to change.

Two years ago, when I decided to start substitute teaching and pursuing my secondary certification and Masters of Education, I could have never dreamed of what life had in store for me. I worked at so many schools. I fell in love with school environments, faculty, and students. I had created these relationships and these bonds that I cherished. I spent most of my time among two elementary schools and one high school. I loved being at the high school because, ultimately, that's where I wanted to end up. But these two elementary schools had a special place in my heart.

I had formed bonds with the students in these schools. They made me smile every day; they hugged me as I passed in the hallways; they would yell out "hey Ms. Miller!!" as I passed by. There were even kids that knew my name who, I'm pretty sure, I had never met! What could possibly make you feel more special than being wanted and being loved. I applied for a position at one of the elementary schools and, stupidly, placed all of my hope in that idea. When it fell through, I was so disappointed. I had begun to build up that idea in my head: what it would be like to stay at that school every day with the teachers and the students I had grown so close to.

The day after I found out I did not get that job, I walked into the other elementary school to substitute for the day. I was very frustrated and let down that the job had fallen through. As I walked through the office doors that morning, the principal stopped me and asked to speak to me. The tone in her voice kind of freaked me out. I'm not a mean teacher, but I don't put up with any crap. So when she pulled me aside, I thought for sure I had done something wrong.

She offered me a job….

I accepted on the spot. There was no question. I would get to be at the other school that I had fallen in love with. They made me feel like a family every time I walked in the doors. Things moved so quickly from there. I was placed with teachers to help get me started, I attended trainings, I became part of a team (technically two teams). I fell in love with the staff. I felt like I had a family in that building every morning when I walked in. My students were my special little ducklings. I took care of them, I loved them, I strived for nothing but the best for them.

So here I sit, over a year later, looking back at how wonderful things have been. I have made so many amazing friends. I have learned so many valuable skills. I have created some incredible memories that I could never let go of.