Why are you single?

So, I got asked this annoying question again the other day: "Why are you single?"

First of all, he was a creep. And he said it in a very creepy, suggestive way. So I grabbed my $10 engagement ring out of my pocket and nonchalantly slipped it on my finger and told him "I'm not" as I continued to lift my drink with my ring finger conveniently placed in the front. But as he walked away, I really began to think about the answer.

The answer is simple. I have standards. People say that if you have low expectations, you won't be disappointed. And yes, this can be true. But in regards to relationships, I look at this very differently.

I was taught to have very high expectations of a man; Daddy said I deserve the best. Daddy was right. I have had incredible marriages modeled for me in my life: my grandparents, my sister and her husband, my mother and father. I have watched them love, I have watched them bend but not break, I have watched them grow, I have watched them worship. I have been fortunate enough to see loving marriages flourish in front of me. I have high standards when it comes to what I want in a life partner, a husband, a father to my children.

You see, if you set your expectations low, you will absolutely be disappointed. You will settle for someone that is not worthy of you. You deserve the absolute best. You deserve someone who loves all of you, forever. You deserve someone who knows your flaws and loves you because of them. You deserve someone who knows your weakness and builds you up when you're facing them. When you set your expectations low, you do not get that.

When you allow yourself to be with someone who simply meets your lowest standards, you may receive instant satisfaction in those shallow relationships. Perhaps that's why you settle for them. They bring you a sense of hope [though it's false hope]. But eventually that hope fades away and you are faced with another disappointment. No matter how big or how small, those disappointments will wear on your heart. One after another, they chip away at your heart; little pieces begin to fall. When that man, the one who loves everything about you, every part of you, every flaw, comes along, your shattered heart will be there unable to mend itself. It will be expecting the same thing, waiting for another piece to be torn away.

BUT when you allow yourself to only be with those who exceed your highest expectations, you will receive long-lasting satisfaction. Yes, you will face many, many disappointments and a lot of heartache. But is it not worth having life-long satisfaction with someone who loves you and supports you?

It's like a diet: Hello, coming from me, this is a huge analogy. I hate diets. They are so hard to stick to. But when you want to accomplish something, really accomplish something, you do it! You're down 30 lbs. You only have to lose 5 more to reach your goal. Do you eat the chocolate cake or do you suck it up and eat some fat-free yogurt and go for a walk with your dog?! YOU HAVE TWO WEEKS LEFT FOR YOUR DIET. DON'T RUIN IT NOW!

Do you settle for the really cute guy with the mediocre job that compliments you on your eyes and smile, but only texts you a few days a week and has other girls posting all over his Facebook? Or do you wait for the one who actively pursues you and shows you with his actions and his words that he is worthy of you, he is someone who deserves you? And equally that you deserve him?

I say this all to "you", though I'm also speaking for myself. This is something I have been struggling with for the last few years. I settle. It's not for very long, because I receive a little (although, usually not so little) reminder from the man upstairs. Sometimes, it takes a nudge; sometimes it takes a shove- off a cliff. Those relationships are short-lived and I am SO INCREDIBLY thankful for that. I guess I just needed this creep to ask me why I was single to remind me that I have a very good reason for it:  I have standards, and I haven't met a man that has met them yet.