The tough week..

The coming week seems to be the hardest week of the year for me. I get overly emotional about things, I cry at random times of the day, I think about things that I don't want to think about.

I was driving to work today and just started crying. I had to wipe my tears while I was trying to get on 35 in Denton (which, if you've ever driven in Denton, you know that's hard enough when you're paying complete attention) and tell myself to suck it up.

3 years ago, my life changed forever. People say it gets easier over time. I don't think it does. It hurts just as much. It just hurts in a different way. I find myself wondering what life would be like today if my dad were still here.

Sometimes I look at my life and feel guilty for being happy. If Dad was still here, I wouldn't have some of the things I love, I wouldn't know some of the people I adore, I wouldn't have had some of the experiences that I've enjoyed. I feel guilty.

I wish I could change things. I don't have regrets but I wish I had the power to change things. There have been some situations in my life that have been PERFECT...except for one little thing that changes the entire situation. He lives to far away, it costs too much money, they have a funny accent. I just wish everything would fall into place.

I am so thankful for my friends and family. They make everything okay. If I didn't have my best friend, Mandy, I don't know how I would make it through every day. I know I can count on her when I need a good cry or talk or stare...she helps me through the hardest parts of my life.

My sister is incredible. I would be lost without her. Her home is a place for me to go and feel safe and welcome. I know I can cry or laugh or talk about anything. I don't have to hide anything from her and she always knows what I'm thinking or feeling.

Tricia Abouabdo is the best thing that has ever happened to me. When my dad died, she literally got on the next flight out to Texas and came straight to my side. She knows when I need her (from the other side of the country). She fills my heart with happiness.

A lot of people have come and gone in my life. Some I would give anything to have back, and others I'm learning to live without. Maybe that's why it's so hard sometimes. But knowing that the few people I do have will never leave me makes things a lot easier.

So bring on the tough week. It's going to be super hard, but I think I can handle it. That's one thing my daddy left with me, strength.

Ventilation

WARNING: The following is me incessantly bitching about what frustrates me. If you don't wanna hear it, I suggest you stop reading.




Things (you're thinking and I'm actually saying) that really make me mad sometimes...


People who put their headphones on and then turn the music up so loud that everyone around them can hear it. Seriously...?

When people talk obnoxiously loud on the phone on the bus. No one wants to hear you yell about what you had for dinner or what your BFF said to you last night.

When people ask a question in class that the professor literally just answered four and a half seconds ago.

People who think it's acceptable to leave the house in what they're wearing. Some things are just not socially acceptable.

**Men who think they're God's gift to women. Please stop acting like you are.

**Women who think they're God's gift to men. Please stop acting like you are.

When people smack their gum, I want to smack their face. Learn how to chew with your mouth closed or spit the gum out.

People who ask to "borrow" my homework. I realize you're going to give it back, so technically yes, you are borrowing. But that's after you STEAL my answers. No thanks.

Getting a million texts from someone after you don't respond. There's a reason I'm not responding. That reason is NOT because I want you to continue texting me...

Creepers who try to friend request you on Facebook. If you're from a foreign land and I've never met you, don't send me a message in broken English asking to be my friend.

Wal*Mart. I think this one is self explanatory.

When people expect you to know why they're mad. Hello? I'm no mind reader...

When I kindly lend out a pen because the sad girl next to me forgets to bring hers to class and asks to use mine. AND THEN LEAVES WITH IT. Pens are not free.

OKAY, enough about the people who make me mad. Let's move on to first world issues.


When you're running really late in the morning and you forget to put a new roll of toilet paper on the rack. And then you come home from class and run into the bathroom. Only to remember that this morning you were running really late and forgot to do something very important.

When you get everything out to cook dinner and realize you're missing one ingredient. But that ingredient is always something you have to have to cook...

When you sit down to watch TV and realize the remote is just far enough away that you have to get up to get it...

OR when you try everything imaginable (including virtually impossible, yet very creative methods) to reach something only to end up getting off your lazy butt to get it.

When you have a coupon and they tell you "the coupon code is not valid". THEN GIVE ME A NEW COUPON CODE.

When two shows that you want to watch come on at the same time and you have to decide which one to watch on Hulu the next day.

The list goes on and on. But I'm currently debating between which two shows I should watch in 10 minutes..so I need to go make that decision. Life is rough :)

Brief update

I am incredibly happy.

I am fairly stressed and concerned about school. I'm learning to balance it with work.

But I am happy. It's nice to know that I still can be. Sometimes life gets you down. It's hard to get back up with life hits you in the face with a sack of bricks. But once you finally get back up, it takes a bigger hit to knock you down the next time.

My thought is that eventually, nothing can knock you over. Nothing can stand in your way. Nothing can stop you. I'm on my way to that point. I still get knocked over by some heavy blows, each one worse than the one before. But I jump back up and look life straight in the face and say "bring it on".

...looking back, that's probably not such a great idea because life brings it.

But like I said, I'm happy right now. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life. People who make me smile, make me happy, make me feel like I'm worth something. People who lift me up, hold my hand when I need a friend, let me talk when I need to vent, or let me listen to their life's issues so I can see that my life isn't really that rough.

I am happy. So for those of you who have helped me get to this point of bliss, thank you. You know who you are.

I've learned from experience that..

*You never know when you're making a memory.

**Telling your parents you're at a movie when you aren't really at a movie can sometimes backfire.

**Not changing your oil on time can leave you stranded on a highway in the middle of the night.

**Dropping your phone repeatedly on the concrete will lead to imenent death of the phone.

**You never truly know when someone will be gone. Cherish every moment with everyone.

**If he doesn't respect you, he doesn't deserve you.

**If he only calls when he wants something, it means he only wants something. Dont give it to him.

**Using your debit card a couple times a day could lead to trouble when you try to fill up with gas and there's no money in your account.

**Pimples will ALWAYS pop up on picture day, whether you use proactive or clearasil or neutragena. it doesnt matter.

**Sometimes being nice to people can get you far in life.

**When you drop your straightener or curling iron, the initial response is to grab it....DONT!

**Security guards don't believe you when you say "it must have fallen into my purse".

**Blowing up army men and barbie dolls in the backyard will result in a phone call from the neighbors to the police.

**Stealing signs is VERY illegal.

**A friend is a friend, they come and go. A best friend is forever.

**When you're wearing a dress, don't stand over an air vent.

**You really do have to turn in homework...for a grade.

**No guy is worth the trouble. The right guy wont have that trouble.

**Once the foil is past your nasal cavity, you have to go to the hospital to get it out :/

**The heart does heal and you will love like this again--only when you do you'll deny ever loving like this before. (Meredith Rowe)

**Jumping on the beds at hotels makes the people in the room under you really really uncomfortable.

**the best things in life really are free.

**Life is serious, except when you take is sooo seriously. Then it just becomes dull.

and remember:

**Sometimes knowing things before prevents you from learning. and sometimes it prevents you from failing. use your judgement.

Honestly...The Truth Hurts

Sometimes the truth hurts. I am fortunate to have friends who speak their minds. My friends are honest and sometimes blunt, but it's usually necessary.

There has been a lot on my mind lately.

It's really hard to face the facts and notice the negative when, for so long, you've fought for the positive. When the red flags are raised, it's time to take a step back and read the fine print. That stupid fine print is the part that always gets you in trouble. It's the secret that someone has kept from you, it's the lie someone has told you, it's the ugly truth that lies beneath the perfections. Sometimes I wish I could just mark out the fine print and pretend it didn't exist. But as we all know, a time comes when those tiny little words at the bottom of the page determine the outcome.

Life is hard. I don't think it would be good if it was easy. If everything was handed to you, the perfect job; the perfect husband; the perfect family; the perfect everything, life wouldn't have the surprises, the romance, or the thrills. Granted, we wouldn't have the heartbreak, the sadness, or the fear, but LIFE itself would lose its glamour.

I've never had it "easy". I'm thankful that I've never had it "hard" either. But I've always had to work for what I wanted. I'm grateful for my parents because that is the woman they raised me to be. I don't believe in gliding through life. I am not the kind of girl who wants a boy to buy me everything. I don't expect to receive anything. I know I will get what I want because I will work until I do.

That being said, I'm not much of a decision maker. I always fear that I will make the wrong choice and regret it. I'm afraid to hurt someone else in the process. I don't want to look back and wonder "what if". I have several decisions to make in the near future. None of them are easy, and all of them will affect my life in many ways. All I can do is pray that the decisions I make are the right ones.

For those of you that are still reading, you're either really bored and have nothing better to do or you're a good friend. Either way, I never turn down advice. Like I said, my friends are honest with me and it makes my decisions a little more clear.

That's all for today. Thanks for reading! :)

RULE #32

It's been a fantastic weekend! I spent time with friends and family and thoroughly cleaned the apartment.

I feel so blessed to have the people I have in my life. My sister, brother-in-law and nieces are so wonderful. They encourage me in everything I do. I enjoying spending time with them because I feel so surrounded with love, even when my brother-in-law is being a total butt head.

My mother is a wonderful woman. She has raised me to be a strong woman with a good head on my shoulders. I am proud of her for everything she has done. She has made a life for herself and manages to include my brother and I in it even though we are so busy.

My friends are my world. Everything really does happen for a reason. I have made some amazing friends this year that I wouldn't have met if I hadn't made some mistakes that led me down this path. My friends encourage me in all of my endeavors. They make me feel loved and wanted. I am happy to have them.

As I sit on my couch next to one of my best friends/roommate watching TV and eating dessert, I am reminded of the little things in life that make it so great.  And because we watched Zombieland the other day, I will conclude by saying:

RULE #32: Enjoy the little things.

So, this is what relief feels like?

This semester has been crazy busy. Ya know, I never realized how much work "journalism" truly entailed until I signed up for these classes. Any free time that I thought I would have was quickly filled with last minute touch-ups or frantic redo's. The hardest part was that every time you thought you had completed a task, you were told to add another element, or remove this element, or switch these two elements, or throw away every element you had on the page and use new elements- that's the professors way of saying, "well that sucked, try again". Nothing was ever good enough.

It wasn't that the professors tore you to pieces, they just tore your WORK to pieces. I understand that is their job as journalism instructors to prepare you for the real world. But really, all that does is freak me out about the real world. Where the heck have I been living?! I was clearly mistaken in thinking that all this time, I've been living in the real world. According to these professors, I've been living in a fantasy world.

'SCUSE ME...if this was a fantasy world, I think it would be a hell of a lot different. My fantasy does not include spending my weekends filming a project, or taking off of work just to scrape up enough time to run to the lab, or spending sleepless nights laboring in front of a computer screen. There is a small chance that I will go cross-eyed before my college career is complete.

Now that I have torn apart the journalism industry, let me build it up a little. It has been a good experience. I can honestly say that I have learned a lot. I have learned new technology, new techniques, and new skills. I have experience new things and met many new people. Even though it was incredibly stressful and time consuming, now that it is over, I can look back and say that I enjoyed [parts of] it.

And NOW THAT I'M DONE, I can enjoy many things that I missed this semester. Hello summer break! :):):)